A Question of Honour
by Yuki KIKI
Summary: It's funny how the line between two such extreme emotions as love and hate can be so very thin- and how often we ourselves don't understand where we stand until too late... (RenHoro)
1. Hurt

_A/N:_ Urg. Yet _another _Teh!War fic. I apologize for my disgusting lack of creativity. Speaking of lack of creativity, this just happens to be **shonen ai**. To make a long story short, if you don't want to see Ren and HoroHoros relationship through the rose-tinted glass of my fangirlish brain meatz, click the 'Back' button. In case it isn't obvious enough, this is also **AU**. Three cheers for spontaneous fic urges!

_This Disclaimer Eats Nachos:_ Shaman King belongs to whoever has the rights to it. Which, sadly, does not include me.

_**A Question of Honour**_

The war had been raging for many, many years- few elders had survived the carnage- the famine, poverty, disease and politics that ruled the once proud nation. Only such a precious few seemed able to remember a time before the Great War broke out. It was next to impossible for a child born into an era so tainted by the blood of the innocents- the flesh of their mothers and fathers, their brothers and sisters- it was impossible for a child, in whom had been taught to hurt and to hate since drawing their first breath, to _comprehend_, let alone dream of a world without hatred and anger, without death and desperation- of building a peaceful nation.

Honour before Peers 

So thus was his fate. He had been a noble born into the ranks of the elite for one sole purpose: To contribute to the war effort. He, along with all his peers, were simply tools to be used to change the tides of a war that's meaning had long ago been lost, against a foe that's hatred ran as deeply as their own. A tool of the state to be used and used until they either emerged victorious, or lay broken under the marching boots of the enemy. Either way, they would receive no gratitude for their sacrifices. Nor did they desire it.

Honour before Kin 

All he desired, all he _knew_ how to desire, was to see the look within the enemy's eyes as they fell, fragile limbs twisted and broken, before his kwan dao- before _him_. And oh how beautiful the blade looked with the sinking sun setting the metal aflame as the fine droplets of red danced across its flawless surface… The blood of the Japanese. The blood of pigs.

Honour before Love 

Not that he was a lowly foot soldier, as most of the poor Chinese peasantry were destined to become. Slanted gold eyes focused intently on the man perched upon the elaborate throne before him- cold, intelligent, laced with bloodlust and poison. He had been lucky enough to be born into the noble class, thus granting him and his siblings a superior position among the elite. Not to imply that he was unworthy of the station and was simply riding upon his name alone, he had more than proved his cunning and ruthlessness countless times- upon the battlefield and behind enemy lines alike. By the tender age of thirteen his hands were already stained beyond innocence, his soul tainted beyond redemption, by the blood of countless enemies.

Honour before Self 

He felt his eyes narrow to slits of malice, his lip curled in disgust at the older man as his father sneered down at the disdainful youth. He had been trained as a spy- an Assassin. He was the heir to the Tao legacy of deceit… and here he found his services called upon again and again. Feints within feints within feints- it seemed as if nothing was sacred and pure anymore through the savage devastation of total war. He whirled on his heel and marched out of the spacious room with a condescending huff, this assignment was going to be a pain…

Not that it would be overly difficult, he had successfully assassinated many a man, women, and even children in the past. He couldn't help but sigh in irritation as he stalked down the darkened halls of his estate, his beloved kwan dao slung tensely over one slender shoulder. It was just really, _really_ annoying running errands for politicians like his father. In all honesty, it was a rather standard (and _boring_) mission- he was to take a small squadron of his fellow Tao brethren in an effort to ambush and kill (yet _another_) foreign politician and deliver some (stupid) message the man carried back to his employer. Destroy the foreign caravan- take no prisoners, leave no survivors. He coolly stared down another soldiers nervous salute as he wordlessly continued his way to the baths. Apparently his next victim was some kind of ambassador from Japan, slipping into the country in secret to deliver some crap for the Japanese emperor. He had tuned most of the political drabble out, simply logging what information was crucial to the assignment- everything else he deemed unimportant was discarded. He didn't bother following politics- he would be incapable of performing his grizzly duties efficiently if he got too bogged down with the little details of who says what and whether they're right or wrong. It was none of _his_ concern. As long as he completed his objectives the whole damn country could burn to ash for all he cared. Those golden slits narrowed once more, this time in sadistic pleasure as one crooked corner of his lips perked into a dark smirk. Right now, the only thing he was concerned with was one name:

_Horokeu Usui_

He couldn't help but snort to himself. Stupid name- typical of a Japanese pig.

_-0-_

_Cold, detached gold gazed blankly ahead, the small childs face forcefully set into his seemingly calm, blank expression, as if the still-warm red droplets clinging to his pale cheeks didn't phase him- as if he was unaffected by the brutality strewn before him. Not human. Unarmed prisoners, sick, weak, their bodies ravaged by disease, malnutrition, and the notoriously brutal 'loving' touch of the Tao interrogators. They had been little more than walking corpses, disgustingly easy prey even for one as small as himself to practice upon. Not human. He haughtily crossed his arms over his chest, kwan dao still clutched tightly as he raised his chin in a defiant movement._

"_Like pigs in a slaughter house." His voice was smooth, even, and so very cold… forever so very, very cold. Not human… He would have forced his hands to stop trembling if they hadn't become so bizarrely numb._

_Not human._

_Not human._

_Not human._

_And Tao En smiled._

_-0-_

"Sir?" came a soft, almost unsure whisper from his right. The Tao boy popped open one gold eye in irritation, his gaze piercing into the darkness as if he could see through the shapeless shadow looming out of the gloom. He allowed the awkward silence to stretch before the man nervously continued. Ren smirked slightly to himself as he eyed the other man critically- if there was one thing he would never cease to take pleasure in it was watching people squirm. "We've spotted the caravan." He whispered raspily, then waited tautly for the younger Tao to dismiss him. The Chinese boy chuckled internally as he soundlessly slipped into the inky black the man had emerged from, almost a shadow himself, just barely allowing his shoulder to brush past the others to let the underling know of his passage. Soon he found himself crouched down beside another faceless man, concealed by the foliage as they mutely watched a small group slowly, cautiously plod along- exactly nine men on horseback, huddled closely together as though they were expecting an attack. The man at his side glanced over at the younger boy, to which the Tao heir simply nodded in affirmation to his unspoken question. Golden eyes narrowed as the shadow crouched at his side brought a small whistle like device to his lips, blowing lightly, imitating the soft hoots of an owl.

Once.

Twice.

Three times.

The signal- and before he could even consciously register his actions, he was lunging from the underbrush, his small troop of fellow Tao assassins bursting forth all around him in a sudden flurry of action… Fine droplets of the sweetest red glimmered beautifully in the milky light of the waxing moon as the first fell.

Action and violence. He felt the flesh buckle and tear beneath his blade, his foes eyes widening, mouth gaping open in a silent scream as his trembling hands frantically grabbed at his spewing innards. Ren dove past the falling man, subconsciously burning the image into his memory to savour later, kwan dao already raising to strike down the next. Perfect, standard surprise attack- the enemy was surrounded on one side by the Tao assassins, their only method of retreat would be to hurl themselves into the lake at their other side, where Tao archers waited in the trees to pick off any that tried. He barely glimpsed one of his own men fall, mangled and bloodied, from the corner of his eye as he dodged an attack from the surprisingly heavily armed escort… He knew- though they wore peasants clothing, he knew… they fought using the same stance as the Shu clans- a rival family's- personal guard. So, whatever this Japanese ambassador carried, it would somehow benefit the opposing political party. The purple-haired boy couldn't help but smirk as his blade tore into his opponent, the wet gurgle as the man choked upon his own precious lifeblood a delight to the boys ears. Feints within feints within feints… But why… He frowned darkly at the sticky stains coating his kwan dao, the darker liquid intermixing with the dripping, dripping red. Why were they covered in oil…?

As if in response to his question, he felt a hand, slick with the already fallen owners own blood, clamp firmly around his ankle before he could lunge at another. The Tao chanced a glance down at the dying man, fury smouldering within the golden depths as he raised his blade for the finishing blow. How- how _dare_ one of these low-born swine _touch_ him? The man smiled humourlessly up the struggling youth, his iron grip around the nobles ankle refusing to relinquish as his other hand painstakingly slowly reached into his robes, groping for the tiny orb... When suddenly, it happened.

The young Tao yelped in shock and horror as he fell back, the sudden blaze blinding him as he managed to worm from the other mans grip, silently thanking the slick blood coating. He scampered frantically, half stumbling, half crawling, choking urgently in a frantic effort to get some air into his lungs as his arms desperately covered his face in the wake of the licking hot flames reaching hungrily for the small adolescent. He screamed (or at least he would have if he'd had the air), the white hot pain exploding within his mind as two charred hands grabbed desperately on his arm, his flesh bubbling and peeling away at the contact. He couldn't tell if the person was one of his own men, driven mad with agony and reaching out to him for help, or a member of the caravan in one last attempt to ensure the small Taos demise- all he could see was the shrivelled and blackened visage, skin and flesh bubbling, bursting, lips peeling away to reveal startlingly white teeth, startlingly white bone- a sickly grinning deaths head as the flames licked blue like an unholy halo, sizzling grotesquely as it continued feeding off the mans fat and (perhaps) the oil he'd been drenched in. The flames licked eagerly at the young Taos exposed flesh, blisters raising and bursting, the angry red skin cracking and crinkling, letting the red flow, bubbling, to the surface. He struggled desperately, he needed air… he couldn't… breath… his burning lungs screamed within his chest, his mind reeling as he tugged hysterically at his arm, trying to wrench it free from the dead mans grasp, felt the joints twist and pop, the charred flesh ripping, but he was beyond caring. He finally managed to yank his burned, torn arm from the steely grip, and as he fell back, fell away, he caught a glimpse of the stars… They sky… the sky was burning… And somehow, a detached part of him wondered where he'd dropped his weapon, and the scowl upon his fathers face…

"_Only the greatest coward abandons his weapon, even while retreating. A true warrior would never let go- even if it meant to be buried with it- The dishonour of total defeat is far worse than mere death."_

And for the first time, as he lay upon the scorched earth, the brilliant, dancing flames beginning to fade to a peculiar black, the pain searing his wounded arm fading to sweet nothingness, for the first time in his life he felt the bittersweet sting of shame…

He had failed…

He was dying… he coughed weakly, a sad attempt to force non-existent oxygen into his agonized lungs. And then, he was moving, dragged gracelessly across the singed earth before he found himself pitched abruptly into half-boiling water, he felt an arm wrapping clumsily around his shoulders and then he was moving again, deeper, splashing sloppily deeper into the water. He could see it, now, and forever reflected in his dreams, the flickering, all-consuming orange swallowing the surrounding trees and foliage, the trees and foliage he and his men had been concealed within less than an hour ago… strange, it seemed almost like a lifetime ago… thick, black smoke churning into the sky, blotting out the heavenly bodies and pitching the earth into absolute darkness, or maybe… maybe it was just him- the darkness filling his own vision… And the earth… it looked as though the very earth was burning… He barely registered the other one, his savoir, babbling nonsense, coughing and choking over his own words as he clutched the Chinese boy- all Ren could make out was noise- a dull din lost under the roaring of the crackling flames, under the rushing blood in his ears as that same detached part of himself idly noted he was in shock.

_-0-_

Ending Rant

You know, this was _supposed_ to be a one-shot… however, this is already filling four pages and I haven't even gotten to a formal introduction between our two heros. Well, I could just be lazy and have fall in love overnight- but no, I'm going to do this one… RIGHT! (insert determined clenching of fist as the action-packed lightning of divine inspiration crashes in the background) Whoosh. So, methinks I'll just break this up, posting a bit at a time, instead of just slapping you poor souls with a freaking twenty-page monster… As of yet, it looks like only Ren and Horo will be featured in this thing, I could write a little alternate blurb for some other characters as well… if I feel like it anyway (heh).

Argh. Hopefully I've kept the characters- er, Ren- decently in character… except for that last bit… which makes me twitch, but alas, it's crucial to the plot and I can't think of a better way to do it… Constructive criticism (and shameless praise) is accepted, greatly appreciated, and lurved muchly.

Kudos to **DragonStorm85**- I'm glad you like, and I'm sorry I wound up deleting your review… How did you find this thing anyway…? It wasn't listed anywhere… The second chapter should rear its ugly head… eventually…

Top of Form


	2. Shame

_A/N:_ Well, I've officially decided this is going to be written entirely from Rens POV. It's just easier and flows more smoothly than having it bounce back and forth.

_This Disclaimer is Itchy:_ I don't own Shaman King. Surprise surprise.

_**A Question of Honour**_

_Small bare feet padded soundlessly across the paved surface, his chubby hands reaching out to delicately brush the milky soft, moonlit petals as he breezed past. The lingering cool from the brief contact made his fingers tingle, but the child paid it no mind as he continued to roam silently closer and closer toward the faint, melodious gurgling of the familiar outdoor fountain. _

_Tip toe _

_Tip toe_

_He was safe here_

_The dead didn't speak_

_He would be safe here_

_Emperor Ren the Strong, and all the pigs and peasants would bow as it all faded to crimson nothing._

_Lord Ren the Wicked, waltzing across a golden hall of corpses, the freedom of decay, and it would all be red red the sweetest red._

_He couldn't suppress the relieved smile as he rounded the final corner, the marble fountain trickling liquid silver, as it seemed to almost glow in the ethereal light of the waning moon._

_Tip toe_

_Tip toe_

_The fallen lay silent, forever silent_

_And he would be safe_

_Because King Ren the Merciful dreamed everyone was dead._

_-0-_

Slanted gold eyes weakly fluttered open, then snapped forcefully shut again, the petite Chinese boy rolling wearily on his side and softly cursing the sudden glaringly bright light of the midday sun. He was instantly jerked from his half-asleep stupor by the sound of thick, barking laughter. The Tao snapped up, whirling around to face the unknown fool that would _dare_ try sneaking up on him while he slept, his hand sweeping behind him to grab the dagger concealed in his belt- Only to discover he no longer _had_ a belt, or anything else for that matter, beyond the dirty rag of a coat thrown over him in a sad attempt at a blanket.

It was at this point he was (quite unpleasantly) reminded of the rather severe burns he'd received the previous night. Another colourful stream of curses tore its way from his scratchy throat as his other hand lashed out to tightly clutch the offending wound. The obscene oaths slipped into an angry hiss, words (for once) failing him as he jerked his hand away from the bandaged injury. _That_ certainly hadn't been the brightest move… He swore the pain was intense enough he could feel it in his _fingernails_… He sucked sharp breaths through his gritted teeth as he willed the agony to fade (well, at least enough to be able to still manage a degree of dignity in the eyes of whoever had disturbed him). Okay… No more prodding the burns… His eyes slowly squinted open, slits of pure murderous venom, as he glared darkly at the figure sitting across from him, silently daring the stranger to just _try_ attacking him- so what if he was injured, unarmed, and as nude as the day he was born? He was still a _far _cry from defenceless… The strange boy blinked stupidly, his mouth hanging open in a silent pink 'o', body tensed uncertainly.

"Uh… you okay?" he finally choked out. Ren somehow resisted the urge to spit in the other boys face for the unbelievably stupid question. He'd nearly _died_ the previous night; did the blue-haired moron _think_ he was 'okay'? His bloody arm was _extra fucking crispy _for crying out loud! The Chinese boy didn't dignify the others question with a (vocal) answer, instead settled on sneering darkly at the strange boy as he silently checked over him, critically assessing the stranger.

The other boy had a fairly sturdy build, the Tao allowed himself to assume the strange boy could probably hold his own in a fight, if the hints of muscle rippling against his otherwise loose peasant clothing with his fidgeting was any indication. However, that's all the boy had going for him in the Chinese assassins eyes. A revoltingly stupid headband shadowed wide, revoltingly stupid dark puppy-dog eyes, framed in a young, pale, blaringly naive and easily readable, revoltingly stupid face. The crown of revoltingly stupid, shockingly blue hair poking out of the headband finished the picture _wonderfully_. Especially since apparently his roots were _black_. Ren rolled his eyes. Oh it looked like he was stuck with a real _winner_ all right. He sighed as he used his good arm to haul himself to his feet, totally unabashed by his nakedness, absently evaluating the severity of the other various aches, cuts, and minor burns scattered across his slight body. He frowned- apparently he'd been banged up a bit more than he had originally assumed during the failed mission…

Oh… that's right…

He'd failed… the young Tao wilted internally. How the hell was he supposed to face his old man _now_? Anger, humiliation, and shame bubbled up inside as he felt his scowl deepen, twisting his almost effeminate features as he glared menacingly at the peasant, the need to vent the ugly emotions churning within his chest at _something_ gnawing at his insides.

"You," He sneered, bitter contempt dripping off the word as though it sickened him to utter it "Where is my clothes?" It wasn't a question; it was a demand, a threat. The blue-haired boy blinked up at him.

"You shouldn't be up yet-" Ren cut off the others reply with a harsh scowl.

"Where. Is. My. _Clothes_?" he spat darkly, silently challenging the other boy to tell him to lie down again. The blue haired boys eyebrows furrowed in agitation under his headband as he evenly met the Chinese boys venomous glare.

"They're drying." He sniffed pointedly.

"They're _what_?" Ren growled dangerously.

"They were _dirty_, so I _washed_ them, and now they're _drying_. Is it _that_ difficult to figure out?" the other growled back. The purple-haired boy felt his teeth grind as his hands clenched. That _wretched _little low-life _dare_ speak to him in such a condescending manner? (The fact that technically the lean Chinese boy started it was conveniently forgotten.)

"Low-born _filth_." He hissed darkly.

"I Saved Your _Life_, and THIS is the Thanks I Get, _Assho_-urk!" the blue-haired stranger choked gracelessly as he suddenly found it rather hard to breath. Then again, most people would find breathing a tad difficult with a pale-knuckled, bony little fist wrapped tightly around ones throat…

"And just _what _makes you think I _wanted _to be saved by a dirty-blooded bastard like _you_?" slanted gold glinted dangerously under dark bangs, his good hand tightening slightly as he glared intensely into the wide, shocked obsidian eyes of his enemy. He should have _known_… it was far too convenient to think he'd simply been found by the (revoltingly stupid) stranger- no, he _had_ to have been involved in the conflict as well. And the blue-haired moron definitely wasn't a Tao… Which meant he had been part of the caravan… The Chinese assassins lip curled in disgust. "I'd have rather _died_ than owe _anything_ to disgusting _swine _like you!" his voice rose in pitch as he shoved the other boy away roughly, leaving him to stumble and fall as the Tao turned away, his good hand sweeping up to pinch the bridge of his nose. "And now… you ask for _gratitude_…?" he scoffed, shaking his head slowly before turning back to the stunned boy sprawled on the ground. "But a Tao repays his debts…" the blue haired boy blinked up at him in dumbfounded shock. Ren turned away again, muttering more to himself now than his savoir, eyes glazed in thought as he gazed across the calm surface of the lake to the blackened remains on the other side. "A Tao repays his debts…"

A life for a life.

What the hell was he going to tell his father _now_…?

_-0-_

"_Ren."_

_The child moaned softly, the sweet embrace of unconsciousness fading slowly, leaving a stiff discomfort from the position he'd fallen asleep in, and the chill of early morning biting through his silk nightshirt._

"_Ren."_

_He blinked the sleep from his eyes as he lazily gazed toward the deep booming voice, his tiny body still curled up at the base of the fountain. The rising sun framed his father and his chosen company, turning the ominous figures into freestanding shadows, silhouettes looming into the clearing of the Tao estate's central garden. The black forms seemed twisted, warped grotesquely in the early morning light, their shadows stretching into the small garden clearing, reaching for him with gnarled, misshapen claws. His father motioned, his tone stern, heavy with the stern undertones of pain and punishment._

"_Ren. Come,"_

_The rising sun stained the sky red._

"_It's time."_

_The rising sun stained the earth red, and the little boy couldn't help but tremble at the terrible knowledge, the terrible, terrible knowledge…_

_-0-_

Ending Rant

Well, there you have it- the next four pages of the fic. I think I like keeping it at this length…

**Miss-K: **Um… this story _is_ supposed to be continued… Heh, thank you for your review.

**MeeLee:** Poetic? Moi…? Wow, I've never had anyone say that to me before… Aww, I think I'm bwushing :D Thank you so much for the review.


	3. Sleep

_A/N:_ Gee, long time, no update. Here's a freakishly long chapter to make up for it.

**Important Note:** _Well, in case you haven't noticed, Ren and HoroHoro are speaking the same language (namely Chinese)- this actually isn't a plot-hole, I planned to explain the reasoning behind this in later chapters… I was going to conveniently forget mentioning it until then, but after reading this thing over on ffn, I realized it looks like the two are from some magical world where the Ainu culture actually speaks mandarin… _

_Go! Go! Disclaimer!_ I don't own Shaman King. Never have, never will. Le sigh.

_**A Question of Honour**_

Golden eyes widened, the Chinese boy sucking a quick, pained gasp of air that was shortly followed by the heavy thunk of flesh connecting with flesh.

"OWWW!" the blue haired boy rubbed his (rapidly darkening) eye, face set in an enraged scowl. "What'd you _hit_ me for! Ungrateful Bastard!" Ren casually shook the slight stinging from his (good) fist, lip curling in disgust at the almost overwhelming stench of herbal salve and his unlikely companions blaring stupidity. Those calculating cat eyes cracked open once more, coolly meeting smouldering obsidian in a silent clashing of wills.

"That stung." He quipped coldly, his good hand tenderly brushing against the enflamed, tortured skin of his other arm- Ouch. Even _that_ hurt. His eyes narrowed in irritation at the clueless wonder sitting across from him (looking quite like he was about to burst something vital). It was _his_ and his stupid kamikaze caravan's fault he was stuck in this position. As long as he firmly told himself that, it was easy to ignore his irritation at himself for being so weak… His blue haired companion grated his teeth.

"I _TOLD _You It Would Sting!"

"You were doing it on _Purpose_."

"I WAS NOT!"

"Were to."

"_WHY_ would I _WANT _to do That?"

"How should _I _know- I can't even _Begin_ to Comprehend what's going on in that _Stupid_ Brain."

"You Know, You're _Cocky Attitude_ REALLYPisses Me Off!"

"And your _Revolting Presence _really pisses me off!"

"I Didn't _Have _to Save Your SORRY ASS, You Pointy-Haired FREAK!"

"I Didn't _Want_ You To, You Repulsive PIG!"

The bristling boys glared darkly, both too stubborn to back down from the intense battle raging between the two- slanted gold and inky black- fire and ice churning in silent rage. However, it bothered him. Rens brows furrowed, taking in all that was the boy sitting before him- jaw set, face dipped, shoulders hunched and body tense as his dark eyes glittered furiously. For some reason it somewhat reminded the Chinese boy of a bull before charging… But the blue haired stranger was right about one thing… He certainly hadn't had to save the Tao… He had no reason to save an enemy, and surely he must have known Ren wasn't one of his men at the time, yet still… And it bothered him- it nagged at him constantly since he'd regained consciousness: _Why_? Didn't he realize what a disadvantage he willing brought upon himself? Wasn't he afraid Ren would turn on him- wasn't he aware just what a gamble he'd taken to save the assassin after showing his hand- his weapon- to the Chinese boy? _Why_ had he saved him? He had tried to _kill_ the blue-haired boy! So why…? _Why Why Why_? He must have something planned… But what? Smouldering gold broke away, eyes sliding shut in exasperation as the Chinese boy turned away from the other, stiffly raising his burned and bloodied arm for the blue-haired boy to finish with.

"I could dress my own wounds you know." The Tao sniffed curtly, refusing to look at the blue-haired boy, who reluctantly shuffled over to gently- ever so gently- clutch the arm once more.

"If you hit me again, I'll break your arm." Ren scoffed, staring down at him through the corner of his eye cynically.

"I'd like to see you try." The boy didn't respond, his attention intent on the Chinese boys wound as he reached for the ointment he'd pulled from his singed pack earlier. Ren quickly jerked his gaze away once more, biting down firmly on his lip as he forced himself to not flinch when those gentle fingers delicately rubbed the cool salve across the damaged flesh.

Why did he save him…?

Why did he help him…?

The Chinese boy absently watched the light of their small campfire flicker bizarrely across the darkened trees beyond- light and shadow flickering and intermixing, swirling, entwining, one overlapping as the other receded in a strange dance. Rens eyes narrowed. He hated not knowing what others were thinking… He hated the uncertainty…

The uncertainty made him fear… that maybe he wasn't in control…

_-0-_

"_But I want to know… do you think about it…?" he squinted down at his feet, the pins and needles of ice pricking into exposed skin turning his nails blue, his vision misty as his eyes welled dangerously. But no, now was not the time… Father was near… He had to be strong, daddy was watching, he had to be as cold as the marble below his bare feet. He couldn't help but wonder… if father ever turned those burning, mocking, disgusted eyes away… After an awkward pause that the child only assumed he was supposed to reply in, the other continued in a soft, far-away whisper._

"_About all the words stuck in the back of my throat," and he was sure that if he gazed up now, he would be met with those glazed, delusional eyes, beautifully broken and laughing sickly, glittering with love and fear. He was sure, so terrifyingly sure, that if he looked up now, he would be swallowed by the soulless orbs, disdain and hate burning like hellfire, papa wasn't happy… Father wasn't happy at all… But the voice continued, despite his silent, internal pleading to fall silent. Die in peace Die in peace Die in peace…_

"_Because I think about it…" quivering, afraid, so beautifully- so horribly… human… asphyxiating on the words… Die in peace Die in peace… _

_Just let the child die in peace…_

_-0-_

"Do we _have_ to…?" the mysterious boys shoulders slumped as he gave the wounded assassin his best puppy dog eyes. Ren rolled his eyes for the umpteenth dozen time that night, his own shoulders slumping in exasperation at the blue-haired menace already spreading out his oversized rag of a coat for a make-shift bed.

"Yes, we do _have_ to set up a watch. Unless of course you _want_ to have your throat slit in your sleep." Glittering onyx narrowed in agitation, glaring brazenly into Rens own sharp tiger-eyes as the other boy bristled. However, instead of meeting the challenge (for the umpteenth dozen time that night), he bowed his head, sighing in weary irritation as he pinched the bridge of his nose. He _really_ didn't have the energy to deal with the peasants immature antics at the moment… "Look," he snapped darkly before the annoyance could spit out some more useless drabble to give him a bigger headache. "_I'll_ take the first watch. You can sleep to your pathetic little hearts content…" He somehow resisted the urge to roll his eyes once more, the other boys face split in a grin as he scampered under the rag, his head popping out the other end shortly followed by a finger to prod the singed pack he was using for a pillow. "Until it's your turn for watch." The Tao couldn't help but smirk as that stupid grin instantly fell from the blue-haired boys face. "If you doze off then, I'll cut out your tongue." With that, he turned his back to the fire and the peasant laying at the other side, and he couldn't help but feel smugly satisfied at the annoyed frown now gracing his unlikely savoirs face…

Though once again, it unsettled him… that the boy would be willing to _sleep_- let down all his guards and _willingly_ lie absolutely defenceless in the hands of his _enemy_… Either the stranger was stunningly strong, or stunningly stupid… Not to mention the disturbing amount of _trust_ the blue-haired boy thrust onto him so soon after meeting him- To so keenly agree to let _him_ take watch… It confused him. The strange boy was too naïve… too naïve…

Ren knew _he _wouldn't be sleeping during the other boys watch… he cast a dark glare over his shoulder at the figure cocooned in his makeshift blanket, only those shockingly blue spikes of hair poking out from the top of the bundle to suggest the youth was wrapped up within. He felt his jaw set as his brows furrowed in silent frustration. In confusion.

The other boy was so… _honest_…

_So pure…_

He had never seen anyone like the other boy before- so willing to wear his emotions upon his sleeve for all to see, so willing to hand his trust and loyalties to anyone… So soft as to save the life of his murderer…

_So soft as to save one beyond saving…_

His eyes narrowed as he tore his gaze away, teeth grinding in agitation. _'Weakling.'_ He snorted internally in disgust…

Because next to one so honest and untainted, he was so… tip toeing through the shadows, dreams and motivations buried so deeply within himself, a perfect smiling mask to slip into for any situation- pale hands tugging the strings even as the dripping dripping red stained his ambitions, blurred them beyond coherency…

Next to one so honest and untainted, what was he…?

"Oi," The assassin blinked stupidly, caught off guard by the thick, half-asleep drawl plucking him from the depths of his sinister thoughts. The blanket rustled as a dull obsidian eye poked out from the bundle to gaze at him sleepily. "You said your name was…?" the Chinese boy quirked an eyebrow- of all the stupid…

"I didn't." he huffed as he turned away again, arms crossing over his chest. Lord, the other was annoying even when he was sleeping!

"Oh." He didn't see the absent smile play upon the blue haired boys lips as he turned away again, an obnoxious yawn sending a shudder up the assassin's spine. "Well, my name's HoroHoro…" The soft slur was almost lost under the crackling of the fire, but the Tao heir… his eyes widened as the thoughts kick-started in his mind, a large cat eye glimpsing over his shoulder at the dozing boy once more.

_HoroHoro… Horokeu… dangerously similar… but no, the ambassador died in the fire…_

_Didn't he?_

"… You can call me Ren..." There was no response as the assassin eyed the lump, the way his shoulders rose and fell with his deep breaths. Feints within feints within feints… Here was something to ponder through his watch…

He couldn't help but smirk humourlessly as he turned away from the figure once more, idly wondering just who that disgust swelling within was really for.

Perhaps he'd become more like his father than he'd thought…

_-0-_

_He watched. Though he didn't want to- he'd rather have gouged his own eyes from their sockets than watch, yet still, he couldn't tear his eyes away- his wide terrified eyes. He felt himself tremble inside, felt himself scream, yet nothing escaped to twist his pale, pale face. It was all locked away, locked tightly away… He felt like he was going to throw up… He swallowed thickly, quietly choking on the lump in his throat as his stomach churned, his knuckles white clasped around the railing- clenching so tightly… so tightly so his father couldn't see how they trembled… and inside he screamed- he wailed and cried out for something unknown, something unnamed, something so terrifying and alluring and horribly, wonderfully beyond his reach._

_Something so beautiful it hurt deep inside._

_But in the end, it was all nothing. In the end… the blade fell… and there was nothing… He felt his father dip down, one hand loosely wrapping around the numb, the nothing, the child, the monstrous mans lips moving, words dripping like silken poison as the crooked smile tugged sickly at the corners of his grossly fat lips- a terrible gash oozing blood and rot._

"_Honour before kin, child. Honour before love."_

_Goddamn the noise…_

_And then the hand drew away; the beast drew away, leaving the small, trembling child to clutch the railing, to watch the limp figure sway like a cheap rag doll from the gallows. Leaving the child to decay._

_-0-_

Ren shuddered, jerking himself awake, gold eyes batting wildly as he quickly surveyed his surroundings. It took a moment to forcefully reign in his disoriented thoughts, after which he visibly relaxed, shoulders slumping gracelessly and head bowing to rest on the hand propped upon his crossed legs- yet his good hand never strayed from the hilt of the concealed blade wrapped in his belt, the alert glint swimming within amber depths betraying his seemingly calm appearance. He couldn't hold back the sigh as he absently scratched the back of his head. It had been a long time… since he'd remembered… His back arched sensuously as he stretched the stiffness from his sore body after being stuck in his cross-legged position for so long. Somehow, he had slept… On his watch to-boot… Not that the blue-haired annoyance would have noticed anyway… The young Tao cast a disgusted glance at the slumbering boy sprawled shamelessly, his 'blanket' kicked away and forgotten as he snored obnoxiously. Ren twitched in irritation- any enemy within a ten-foot radius would be drawn by the disturbingly loud noise… Why couldn't the mysterious boy shut up? _Ever_? The pig made so much noise… He shook his head, turning away to stir the smouldering embers of the dying campfire, purposefully ignoring the pins and needles pricking under the skin as he began to regain feeling in his legs. Then again, for how much the annoyance babbled, he still knew next to nothing about him- well, besides a few unconfirmed suspicions floating about his head. Ren couldn't help but scowl. And it irked him beyond all reason that the bumbling moron probably thought he was actually _outwitting_ the assassin, yet he could do nothing to the boy in whom he owed his life… A Tao repays his debts, a Tao repays his debts…

And it enraged him.

He stood stiffly, forcing his numb knees to support his weight as he turned and stormed over to where the boy slept. He allowed himself to gaze down at the slumbering face for a moment.

Lord, the boy had a _huge_ mouth…

Seriously though, where the thought of a member of the Shu clan saving the life of a Tao was unlikely, the thought of a _Japanese_ _ambassador_ on a secret mission saving his life was sheer _insanity._ No, this 'HoroHoro' must be simply toying with him… Besides, no leader with half a brain would send this sorry excuse of a human as a diplomat to represent their nation.

However… If he _was_ the ambassador… Rens eyes traced over the bulging pack the blue haired boy used as a crude pillow. If he was the ambassador, then maybe the document he was supposed to retrieve had been spared as well… A dark smirk tugged at the corners of his lips as the gears churned within his mind- a plan. Perhaps his mission wasn't a total failure after all…

"Wake up, _dork_, I want to sleep now."

"Hurk! A dur!" was all poor HoroHoro had to say in response to the swift kick in the ribs. Ren irritably reached down and ripped the coat off the drowsy boy, and then stormed away, leaving his companion to writhe where he'd left him.

"Get up now and start your watch. Don't fall asleep or I'll castrate you. And I _will_ know." He wrapped the dirty rag around him, absently noting how warm it was from the other boy as he continued. "We have _quite_ the way to go tomorrow…"

_-0-_

Ending Rant 

Whoo! Three chapters to just get them to exchange names! …This is going to take _forever_… On another note, I've decided I won't be posting four-page chapters anymore, really though, wouldn't you all rather longer chapters? I know they're easier for _me _to work with…

Kudos to all my lovely reviewers, I'm writing this crap for you guys!

**MeeLee: **Once again, thank you for the compliments- I feel so lurved:D On a separate note, I really like your fic 'Rescue Me'… Yet for some reason, my computer is a life-sucking parasite that won't let me review it for some reason… le sigh…

**18:** Sorry for not updating all that 'soon'… I have the rather notorious habit of leaving things hanging for some pretty long stretches… Uh, yeah, thank you so much for the review!

**DragonStorm85:** I tried to poke some humor in here where ever I could- and what's better humor than bickering Ren and Horo? Heh, it's like a lovers tiff or something XD As for Nekkid!Ren, well, that's a given in any fic worth reading ;) Thanks for the review!


	4. Heresy

_A/N:_ Once again, long time no update. I'm very sorry, things have been kinda… hectic in the 'real world' of moi… (innocently kicks Horo cosplay under chair) Seriously though, between work and personal issues, I haven't even had time to check my _email_… However, seeing as I'm currently the walking pneumonia, I finally decided to take a whole day off to finish this extra long chapter (just cause I lurv you guys ). But enough excuses, fic-ward ho!

_This Disclaimer is Disgustingly Ill:_ Shaman King belongs to a bunch of people and corporations bigger and more important than I.

_**A Question of Honour**_

_He trembled, a soft whimper barely escaping his pale, quivering lips as he tried to force himself to sit straight- a broken doll clutching tightly to the delicate remains of pride. The single candle fluttered like his erratic heart as he stared intently at the door, the indignant mutters of his fathers three closest advisors filtering distantly through his consciousness. He found himself idly noting that not one of those blasphemous fools seemed to realize they wouldn't leave this room alive. Even the irritating clucking slowly died away at the heavy slow, deliberate footsteps, the vibrations shaking him to his very core- Papa was coming._

_Papa was angry._

_The candle flickered as an uneasy hush settled thick in the stagnant, uncomfortably warm air. Perhaps… perhaps the pompous men did indeed know their fate… He felt his eyes narrow, a brave façade as his hands clenched in his lap- he would have ran if there was a place he could hide. But there was nowhere… no corner those burning, soulless orbs couldn't pierce, no crevice those swollen, burly hands couldn't tear away. _

_No, he knew exactly what was in store._

_And the knowing made it worse_

_-0-_

HoroHoro whistled absently to himself, dew-coated bushes and brambles crunching beneath his feet as he carelessly strode out of the thick forest back to the little camp he shared with the (somewhat disgruntled) Chinese boy, his attention focused on re-tying his belt after, er, 'relieving' himself. He froze suddenly, chirping whistle instantly dying on his lips as he felt the cold kiss of steel push forcefully against his exposed neck.

" Ehhhh… Morning Ren…?" He quipped uncertainly as he gazed into smouldering, narrowed gold eyes, the Chinese boys face set into his usual perma-frown. Ren quirked an eyebrow- so the blue haired annoyance _had_ heard him the previous night.

"Don't act so familiar, _peasant_."

"Well it's nice to see your cheery face too."

"Why did you leave the fire?" the Chinese assassin narrowed his eyes, choosing to jump straight to the point before the other boy could bait him into another pointless argument.

"I had to take a leak." The blue haired boy sniffed, his nose huffing into the air as he grabbed the Chinese boys hand, forcing him to lower the dagger away from his throat. "Tch, it's not like you were even sleeping," he purposefully ignored those widened eyes as the smaller boy glared at him in silent shock and indignant anger. "I mean, geez, if you were going to stay up all night anyway you could have at least let _me_ sleep…" Suddenly he turned back to the Chinese boy, a goofy grin tugging at the corners of his mouth, those obsidian eyes laughing as he tucked his hands behind his head in a relaxed manner. "Aw, if you're scared of nightmares, you could've just _asked_, and I would have held your hand-" he somehow managed to duck the several projectiles, his thick, barking laugh weaving strangely harmoniously with the smaller boys snarled curses. Ren sucked a few breathes through his clenched teeth, forcing himself into a quivering façade of calm, the rather sizable chunk of wood he had been prepared to beat the annoyances face in with sliding harmlessly from his fingers as he turned his back to the still giggling moron. _'Immature idiot.'_

"Grab your crap. We're leaving." He drawled coolly, making certain each word was laced with a suitable amount of venom. HoroHoros laughter died instantly as he blinked slowly at the Chinese boys back.

"Leaving? Where?" The Tao smirked secretively over his shoulder at the other boys innocent question. Too naïve, too easily manipulated, this certainly was going to work in his favour.

" To my estate." HoroHoros eyes widened in silent awe as the Chinese boy answered his unspoken question. "A Tao repays his debts, remember? My father will reward you generously for your noble deed." He turned away again, the cruelty pulling at the corners of his lips in response to the blue haired boys eager smile. Oh yes, his father would be more than willing to reward the other boys foolish sacrifices. The Tao interrogators would make certain to show the annoyance their hospitality… He glanced over his shoulder at the bustling boy, buzzing this way and that to put out the fire and slip into his oversized rag of a coat, happily babbling away about nonsense. He could repay his debt, and fulfil his original mission all in one shot.

"Ready?" half-lidded gold glittered enigmatically, slight smile tugging at the corner of his lips giving the petite boy the look of a cat eyeing its prey as the blue haired boy simply nodded enthusiastically in response.

_A life for a life…_

"Thanks for this Ren, I really don't know what to-"

"A Tao repays his debts, no thanks are needed. The estate is about three days walk from here- the sooner we head off, the sooner we'll get there."

The blue haired boy beamed down at his companion, his face so open and easily read and blaringly naïve. The Chinese assassin pointedly ignored the other boys expression, his eyes glued on the path ahead of them.

_I'll make you beg for death._

_-0-_

_Soulless eyes, glazed and empty, the milky fogged stare gazing out forever at sweet nothingness. Gazing sightlessly at the writhing child, silent laughter and disgust swelling louder than the wild screams of the hysterical child clawing frantically, desperately at the cold, unfeeling marble. Tiny fingernails cracking and tearing away as his groped feverishly for some kind of handhold to pull himself away, something real to hold on to, within the flawless, unfeeling marble floor, the childs desperate screams rising in pitch, twisting and warping in his own ears- something hollow and inhuman and… hurt._

_The frantic cry of an animal- the agonized squeal of pigs and he couldn't see… Couldn't see past the blur of hot tears streaming down his rounded cheeks. Couldn't see past the searing pain, the primal terror screaming within his mind, blind panic choking off his air as his entire being shook with the overwhelming instinct to run run run- Run away from that horrible candlelit room, from those sightless gazing eyes, from the hulking monster with the hate and rage smouldering within amber depths. _

_The child squirmed and writhed madly, his naked skin little protection against the thick, raw leather strap biting deeply into the tender calves of his bare legs- tattered skin and flesh hanging like the frayed ends of torn rice paper, framing the deep gashes and gouges in the pale, trembling flesh, the small childs wild shrieks falling upon a deaf audience as the red pooled on the flawless, cool marble. The monster held the struggling child with ease, felt the tiny bones creak and fracture under his power- so small, so weak… amber eyes simmered in hate and glory, face twisted beyond human with disgust and perverse pleasure._

_So easy to kill…_

"_Honour before Peers,"_

_The unrelenting, merciless leather bit into red, torn, agonized flesh, rough ends slicing easily into soft muscle, cutting deeply into defenceless, tortured flesh- pale bone in the flickering candle light. Beautiful desecration of the holiest alter as the child screamed, his voice scratchy from the prolonged abuse._

"_Honour before Kin,"_

_Then there was silence- tears burning his skin as he rasped weakly, desperately, drops of red spattering across the dark pattern carved into the childs back. Crimson dripped down the contours of his slender back, clinging to his trembling shoulder blades, a strange contrast to the black swirling symbol, a strangely suitable halo for the yin and yang- the true Tao legacy._

"_Honour before Love,"_

_The monsters words were low, a dangerous growl that seemed to make the very earth tremble. The heresy humming unnaturally, seeping into the very core of his being as he trembled, his voice a harsh rasp, lost in his own ears, in his own consciousness, drowned beneath the unholy commandments that would form the very foundation of his life- the framework for all the ugly things he hated inside himself._

"_Honour before Self." _

_His body tensed for a final blow that never came. The silence was deafening, crushing as that mammoth hand released its iron grip, the childs broken body slumping weakly, pathetically to the beautiful marble tiles. There he curled within himself, torn flesh of his knees drawing to his chest as he whimpered softly- begging for a mercy that would never come. The sweetest lullaby, the purest prayer- but there were no angels in that room. There were no gods, no salvation in that dimly lit, elegantly decorated prison. Tao En smiled as he turned away, hulking body leaning with surprising gentleness to the single flickering candle._

"_Grow strong Ren," A light puff as he blew out the single candle, plunging the room into absolute darkness, but somehow it made the broken child all the more acutely aware of the silent audience. "Then you can kill whomever you please."_

_And the child swore he would tremble no more._

_-0-_

_skreeeeeeetch_

He felt his eye twitch as his teeth grated, fists clenching the soiled rag he was wrapped in.

_reeeeeeeeeshk_

He felt the all-to-familiar-over-these-last-few-days throbbing vein in his forehead as he ducked his head under the oversized coat in a vain attempt to muffle the irritating rasp.

_skaaaaaaaacheeeeeeeeeesh_

Why… Why _Why_ **WHY** couldn't the blue-haired annoyance just _shut up_ for _ten bloody minutes_?

_rrraaaaaaaaaaaaaaasst-skritch-skritch-skreeeeecht_

"KISAMA! _What_ Are You _Doing_?" The Tao whipped around in the blanket, sitting abruptly as a hand instinctively swept down his belt. HoroHoro yelped as he dodged the dagger that easily imbedded itself in the damp earth he'd been sitting on seconds ago. The assassins shoulders heaved as he glared pure venom at the _moron_ he'd somehow wound up indebted to. Said 'moron' took a moment to get over the shock of the unexpected attack before bolting upright as well to glare back, his own short sword clenched (a bit more tightly than necessary) in his fist.

"I Was _Trying_ To Make a FIRE, You Paranoid Megalomaniac ASS! What the Hell are _You_ Doing- Trying to _KILL _Me?"

"Don't _tempt_ me."

"WHY YOU-"

"You might as well save your energy- that kindling is too wet to catch anyway." The Chinese assassin frowned down at his silk shirt- now _mud_ stained silk shirt- with obvious distaste. After the rain over the last two days, Ren was beginning to wonder if he'd ever be totally _dry_ again. On the other hand, they were only about a days walk away from his estate- something he both anticipated and dreaded at the same time. Sure, he was looking forward to a _hot_ bath instead of a quick dunk in the lake, a _real _meal as opposed to the dried dog food the HoroHoro kept pulling from his beat-up pack, a _comfortable _bed instead of the dirty rag he'd been forced to share with the blue haired annoyance- the equally muddy HoroHoro simply stuck his tongue out at the Tao in response, to which Ren found himself rolling his eyes as he kicked away the coat he'd been wrapped in- and he _definitely_ couldn't wait to see the abhorrent pigs face when he found out just what his 'reward' really was. However… golden cat eyes narrowed in silent hate at the thought: His father. How on earth was he supposed to explain what happened?

"_Yeah, sorry dad, the Japanese ambassador kinda spontaneously combusted and killed everyone in the caravan except me and this guy. I'm sure he knows **something** though- have at him!"_

Yeah, somehow he couldn't imagine his old man taking too well to that one. He sighed as he ran a hand through his damp bangs irritably, his breath fogging in the early morning chill. Oh well, he couldn't change what had already past- his father would have to accept it, whether he liked it or not. He crossed his arms, tucking his hands beneath his bare arms as he suppressed a shiver- the bite of the coming winter was already laced in the cool morning air. Ren clenched his teeth to prevent them from chattering as he glared up at the grey, cloud-covered sky. It looked like they could expect more rain. Oh joy. He snorted in disgust at the weather as he felt more than saw his blue haired companion come to stand beside him, silently waiting for the smaller boy to lead the way as he had for the last two days.

They walked in silence, after the past two days HoroHoro had more than learned most attempts at communication were either met with snappy one-word responses or bodily harm on his part, and thus decided to let the smaller boy stew in his own thoughts. As long as they got where they were supposed to go, he had no qualms. As for Ren, he was too caught up in his dark thoughts to take notice of the other boys consideration (hey, does Horo know him or not? ;P). What was he supposed to tell his father? Why was he even doing this? He knew he was just going to be… punished… Yet still, he couldn't run… Could he…? No…

_Honour before Self_

He couldn't run

_Honour before Self_

He could never run.

_Honour before Self_

He could never escape… the lessons he'd learned through blood and flesh were scarred as deeply into his being as the tattoo carved into his back- He was abruptly snatched from his thoughts as his foot plunged into a deep puddle, ice cold water splashing sloppily around his feet as he jerked back, hissing darkly at the pins and needles shooting up his leg, his soaked pants clinging to his calf as his foot slipped out of his sopping shoe to imbed itself into the soft, muddy earth. HoroHoro watched in tensed silence as a shudder went up the Taos spine, the other boys hands clenching as his shoulders tensed. For some reason, the blue haired boy found himself reminded of a whistling kettle, and probably would have laughed if he weren't the only living thing within range of the smaller boys wrath.

"**DAMMIIIIIIT!**" The assassin threw his head back and screamed his frustrations to the very heavens, his thin chest heaving as his fists clenched so tightly he could feel his fingernails digging into the tender skin of his palms. Suddenly those golden tiger-eyes popped open in shock as he felt that heavy coat flop gracelessly across his slender shoulders. He turned to blink stupidly at his companion. HoroHoro raised his hands in a defensive gesture as he shot the Tao his best disarming grin.

"What do you say we try another fire?" the blue haired boy winked playfully. Ren narrowed his eyes, his lip curling in disgust as he roughly shook the warm coat off.

"I don't need your _pity_." He spat menacingly.

"It's not pity," the taller boy called absently over his shoulder as he drew his short sword, already wandering off into the thick underbrush. "I'm hungry." And with that, he was gone. Ren rolled his eyes in exasperation as he crouched down to where he'd dropped the oversized rag.

"Idiot. He knows it's too damp for anything to catch…" he absently wrapped the coat around his lithe form, silently grateful for the lingering warmth from the other boy as he found himself questioning whether or not he was doing the right thing.

_-0-_

"_My darling." Her perfectly painted features were flawless, beautiful, emotionless as she gently poured the perfumed water over his abused limbs. He felt himself nodding stupidly, eyes lolling shut under her movements, her long, cool fingers running through his tousled hair in a detached display of affection._

"_My baby." She purred, her eyes glittering like polished steel as she dabbed a cloth against his torn skin, her sleeves rolled up past her elbows- she was disgusted; she didn't want to stain her dress, didn't want to stain her unblemished beauty with her imperfect child._

"_My precious weakness…" she whispered softly, plush lips brushing against his earlobe, a shudder of disgust running up his spine at the contact._

_-0-_

_End Rant_

Gee, it ends on a somewhat awkward spot here, ne? Well, this was supposed to be a bit longer, but by the last 'chunk', it started to kinda fall apart. Seeing as the last 'chunk' is another one of those crucial plot points, I figured it would be better to take my time and rewrite it _properly_, in hopes that it doesn't make peoples eyes bleed while trying to read it…

Thanks to all my wonderful reviewers- Sorry I made you all wait so long…

**Jen-Tao07: **Thank you for the review! Someone saying a fic is too good to stop reading is more flattering than multiple reviews anyway :D

**DragonStorm85: **Whoo! You rock! You've reviewed every chapter so far. (tear) Thank you so much for your constant support (Oh geeze, this is starting to sound pretty sappy… "You luv me, you all really _luv_ me!" XP)

**Emic192:** Thanks for the review!

**MeeLee:** Thank you so much for the review- In all honesty, I was toying with the idea of cutting the chapters into two parts: Rens and HoroHoros POV. However, our squishy Ainus would be kinda… spoiler-ishous… Though I do still want to do something for him, he's just so cute and fun to play with. Mayhaps I could throw in a special Horo chapter every now and then…?

**DayDrEaMiNg-child: **Thank you for your review- As for writing actual novels, well… (pets manuscript) ;P

Interesting screen name… Anyhoo, here be your update. Sorry it wasn't all that 'soon' though…

**strife-lover: **Whoa… three reviews in one go… You rock my socks :) Why yes, yes indeed Ren is nekkid throughout the entirety of chapter 2… I don't know, I just felt the compulsive urge for Ren-service while writing that one… He's clothed again though for chapter 3. Thanks for the reviews!

**shadowicedragon1: **Hopefully this chapter it's a bit more clear who's speaking… Sorry for the confusion there… As for insults, well, this fic was more of an experiment than anything- just trying different ways to place emphasise without falling back on caps lock and bold. Thank you for your review, and indeed I'll try to take what you've suggested to heart ;)


	5. Questions

_A/N:_ Whoa… and here we conclude yet another long stretch of no-updates. Well, if it's any consolation, the HoroHoro cosplay I was working on won second prize…

Oh, and just as a note- this is the chapter where it turns from "Ren memory sequences" to what I'd like to lovingly dub "Ren-trips"…

_This Disclaimer Disclaims:_ I own nothing. Not even the computer I'm typing this on.

_**A Question of Honour**_

After the HoroHoro had finally returned from his romp in the woods a few hours later (with absolutely nothing to show for it, surprise surprise), all Ren could do was glare pure death at the blue-haired annoyance, the taller boy happily babbling away some inane story about his adventures chasing a rabbit, as if he was somehow _proud_ of the fact he'd wasted almost half the day with his stupidity. The fact that the heavens had opened up once more, catching the poorly dressed Ren in yet _another_ torrential downpour, soaking through the thick coat and his flimsy silken clothes to thoroughly drench the purple-haired boy certainly wasn't helping his mood in the slightest. The happily babbling Horo didn't seem to mind the rain at all, only pausing briefly in his 'exciting' (in the loosest sense of the word) account to casually wipe away the water running down his rounded cheeks in tiny rivers with a simple flick of his hand- not that the action made any real difference, as yet more water soon cascaded down his face in it's place, but the mere fact of the matter was that HoroHoro didn't seem to be _half_ as miserable at he was. And that fact irked the Chinese boy to no end as he scowled at the annoyance- the blue haired boy was probably gloating inside, about how pathetic the great Tao Ren looked now, more like a drenched rat than the proud nobleman he was.

"HoroHoro?" the taller boy blinked, words instantly dying on his lips at the sudden interruption of his fascinating story.

"Yeah Ren?"

"Shut up." Ren swiftly turned away once more, just barely catching a glimpse of the other boys scowl as he unconsciously hugged the dark coat closer around his lithe form. "In case you've forgotten, we're _supposed_ to be going to my estate, and, unlike _you_ apparently, I _don't_ enjoy wallowing in the mud-" his voice rose, the condescending tone overpowering the blue haired boys attempted retort "-I thought I told you to shut up- anyway, due to your revoltingly stupid little 'adventure', we're going to have to keep walking through the night as well." He caste a glance over his shoulder, eyes laughing cruelly as his voice dripped bitter mockery at the sudden downtrodden look on the taller boys face "You think you can handle that, my dear HoroHoro? Or will I have to carry you the rest of the way?" He chuckled under his breath, the sound rough, his voice unaccustomed to mirth "We wouldn't want our precious guest to over-exhort himself, now would we?" The awkward laugh rose in pitch slightly as he sneered over his shoulder once more- only instead of finding his companion simmering in indignant anger as he had expected, he was met with an enigmatic, half-lidded smile almost affectionately tugging at the corners of the other boys lips.

"Heh, so the great Tao Ren _can_ laugh." A grin lit up HoroHoros face "That wasn't so bad, now was it?" his voice was honest, pure, free of even a hint of sarcasm or mockery. "Besides," those obsidian eyes slid shut, a carefree child smiling contentedly- an expression that had become so precious and rare during the years of the war "You look better when you smile- scowling all the time gives you pre-mature wrinkles ya know." Ren tore his eyes away to glare down at his feet, resentful agitation nagging at the corner of his mind as he felt the heat blossoming in his cheeks. That shameless _pig_! The fact the other's words had been wholly sincere, not meant to hurt or scorn, somehow hit the Chinese boy harder than any simple insult slung at him over the past few days, affected him more… deeply…

"_You look better when you smile"_

He could feel his teeth grind as his pace quickened significantly, storming angrily in a vain attempt to get further away from his unlikely companion. He focused entirely on the anger, because he knew anger- rage, spite, fury; these were emotions he knew, he'd bore many times in the past. Anger was something he could deal with.

"_You look better…"_

Anger was a simple emotion. He fists clenched around the wet fabric of the oversized coat he was wrapped in as he ducked his head, pointedly ignoring the hails of the other boy telling him to slow down, frustration turning inwards at the flaming red tinting his sloping cheeks. Anger was a simple emotion, and as long as he focused on seething, he could ignore the unfamiliar fluttering in his stomach.

"_That wasn't so bad, now was it?" Such kind eyes…_

No one had ever looked at him before with such kind eyes…

_-0-_

_Tick tock_

_Tick tock_

_Tick tock_

_He felt the silk flow around his petite form, pale white fluttering like some quivering ghost as the child danced along the edges of eternity, waltzed among the distantly twinkling stars, the full moon a wide, unseeing eye, forever gazing out in the glazed bliss of sweetest oblivion- of beautiful death as the three silent advisors sang, voices thick and gurgling. So very difficult to sing without tongues- but then again, they had sworn those to father, and father always kept what was his- but that was okay, and here he was okay. Here, far away away away from mother, from father, from the lies and hurt and… and… _

_And everything. _

_Here, he could laugh, and laugh he did as he ran and played between the pale blue stars, twinkling joyfully like tiny, delicate flakes of the purest snow. He laughed at the reds, he laughed at the blacks, he laughed at the hate and the pigs, he laughed at the nobles and the peasants, strutting around like insects across the dried, cracked earth far far far below, as if somehow, their tiny thoughts and worries held any actual significance. And how tiny, how very tiny all the things he feared were when he looked down at them from here… From here, he could laugh at them all, laugh at them all so that no one would know, not even himself, just how afraid he truly was._

_Tick tock_

_Tick tock_

_Tick tock_

_Because here, even the hurt was okay._

_-0-_

He roughly yanked his soaked bangs away from his face, the slight tingles of protest in his scalp somehow satisfying in his agitation as he squinted his golden eyes, glaring down the flooded path though the dark gloom. His hands then returned to groping out in front of him, like he was some kind of blind beggar in the pelting rain, but he was beyond caring. His teeth grated as he squinted further, trying to somehow identify one black smudge from another, his feet slipping and sliding gracelessly in the thick, sticky muck, but he didn't care. He didn't care about the pain in his injured arm as he clumsily banged it into objects or tore it through brambles and bushes, didn't care about his stinging fingertips or toes, throbbing from being stubbed so often in the dark, didn't care about the harsh rasp of his companion, panting somewhere close behind him, lungs almost sounding as though they were rattling in the pouring rain. He didn't care- he was going home _tonight_, or he was going to die trying.

If only he could have at least been able to light a match…

"Oi, Ren?" the Chinese boy jumped at the sudden intrusion into his thoughts.

"_What_?" he hissed darkly, whirling around in the dark to face (or, at least he _supposed_ he was facing) the blue haired annoyance. Both boys yelped as they collided, gracelessly falling back away from each other into the thick mud they'd been trying to slog through for the last few hours. Ren trembled in barely suppressed rage, a frustrated growl ripping from his throat, and he was sure that if he were able to see that stupidly grinning face, he'd _strangle _the moron. _Why_ couldn't _anything_ go right when the blue haired IDIOT was around? _WHY_? He struggled awkwardly, trying to stand again, only to feel his hand slide over the soft, strangely solid flesh of his companions arm- he felt something inside him jolt in shock, an unnamed instinct crying out that he'd done something horribly wrong as yet another, far away impulse pleaded for something… something he couldn't quite name- Either way, he wound up jerking his hand away, thus making him loose what fragile balance he'd gained in the slippery muck and flop back down again, this time a not-so-subtle cry of humiliated rage tearing from his lips.

Then he felt two fumbling, mud-coated hands clumsily reach down to wrap around his, and with a sudden tug, Ren found himself almost on his feet again. He blushed in indignant fury as he snarled offensively, ripping his hands away, only winding up slipping once more, and dragging the startled Horo down with him once more. His eyes widened as he felt the blue haired boys body collide solidly with his own briefly before sliding gracelessly to land beside the Chinese boy, spattering the already coated boy with yet _more_ muck. Ren somehow managed to slither away from the other boy, his face burning in what he firmly told himself was disgusted anger- for that split-second, he thought he'd felt the other boys heart… But no… no no no… he felt his own heart pound within his chest. That couldn't have been right- the peasant didn't _have_ a heart, the pig _couldn't_ have a heart… not human not human _not human not human_… He tried to force the lump that had risen in his throat away, quietly chocking as he listened to the rain pounding mercilessly upon the soaked earth, the heavy panting of his blue haired annoyance mixing strangely with his own, the sound of the other boy's soft rasping gasps… something dark leered sickly from within the depths of his mind; quick pleading gasps, soft whimpers, and how those kind eyes would glaze with…and it terrified him how something so very, very _wrong_ could have been roused by the other boy, could seem so… right… He clasped his hands over his ears, teeth clenching as he focused on making the anger swell once more, of washing away the uncomfortable feelings in the bittersweet tides of the burning hate.

"_You look better…"_

Not human Not human Not human…

_Such kind, kind eyes, polished obsidian glittering with such warmth, such acceptance…_

The pig… the pig made so much noise…

His eyes popped open when he felt those fumbling fingertips gently, almost shyly, brush past one of his hands. His reaction was instantaneous, viciously slapping it away with quite a bit more force than necessary, golden eyes burning with pure, violent fury.

"Don't touch me!" he hissed venomously, his voice twisted almost entirely beyond recognition with hate. He felt the other draw away as though stricken, hesitation an almost tangible thing in the black as Ren glared furiously at the blurred shape shifting uncertainly before him- how, how _dare_ such low born _swine_ unsettle him so! How _dare_ he!

_Not human…_

"…Ren?" the voice was soft, tentative, guilty. A lost child, calling out for something familiar all the while keeping its voice so low, so very, very low in fear of the unknown monsters hearing the quiet plea. "Ren, it's… it's so dark Ren… I can't see, I can't see and we don't know where we're going- can't we wait for morning? If we keep… if we keep going like this, we'll get lost…" His voice was low, words awkwardly overlapping and fumbling over each other, the tone carrying the gently pleaded apologies "It's… it's too dark, Ren… too dark…" Ren, somehow, felt at ease by this blundering weakness. _Little dolly… _

He felt himself sneer at the shadow, the familiar superiority swelling within his chest once more as he allowed himself to silently delight in the others fragile weakness- pathetic little pig, squealing in terror at what it doesn't understand. However, the blue haired annoyance _did_ have a point- he currently had no idea _what_ direction he'd wound up facing after their little stint earlier (not that he'd ever admit it to the HoroHoro). But it still did irk him, that he'd have to wait until morning to get back home, his frown deepened- it was all the abhorrent pigs fault too, him and his stupid 'rabbit hunt'…

"Fine. If you want to sleep in the mud for one more night that badly…" He sniffed curtly, purposefully letting the quiet, relieved 'Thank you' the other uttered slip softly and unacknowledged into the darkness.

_Little dolly is afraid of the dark… _He couldn't suppress the cruel smirk.

_-0-_

_Thinking of you_

_Thinking…_

_Thinking of you_

_Tick tock Tick tock Tick tock_

_Burning amber bored into the very depths of his soul, hate, cruelty, sincerity, human frailty and brutality- those swollen lips pulled back sickly, baring tainted white teeth; a primal snarl, a tender smile._

_I love you._

_I hate you._

_Thinking of you thinking of you thinking _

"_You look better…"_

_tick tock tick tock thinking_

"_Honour before Self"_

_thinking tick tick tock_

"… _when you smile."_

"_Then you can kill whomever you please."_

_And it's a terrifying thing when you can't decide who will be your God…_

_-0-_

Yeah… In all honesty, the events of this chapter and the next one wound up being switched around… For some reason, things just work out a bit better this way. Ah yeah, this fic has all the signs of any _quality _film- random nudity, and mud wrestling! Whoo!

Yet again, kudos to my awesome reviewers- if it weren't for you guys, I'd probably be actually doing something constructive with my spare time (God forbid) ;)

**MeeLee: **Wow, again and again, you never fail to make me feel squishy and lurved inside. Thank you so much for your reviews- you wouldn't believe how encouraging and inspiring it is to get feedback from another author you admire. Oh, and thanks for the compliment, I was kinda worried that I'd taken the description of Rens abuse a bit… too far…

**DayDrEaMiNg-child: **Thanks for the review :) As for Jun, well, she's already in there… not quite as obviously spelled out as En and Ran, but she be in there…

**gift-of-the-elves: **Whoa… my writing has mood? O.o; I'm so flattered… Thank you so much for the review- as for there being 'kissing in the future', well, let's just say you'll see ;P

**Jen-Tao07: **We all know that Ren isn't doing the right thing, but hey, this is Ren- he does it anyway D Sorry about the update not being all that 'soon'… Thanks for the review.


	6. AN of Apologies

Ahoy! Normally I despise having to fall back on the "oops, it looks like a new chapter but it's actually an uber long pointless authors note" tactic, but alas, it's been forever since an update, and I know some of you have been concerned…

First off, no worries, I definitely haven't forgotten this fic (how could I forget you guys?)- life has been kinda… brutal… yes, that's probably the best word to fall back on.

Between 14 hour long work shifts, a change of occupation, a (temporary) change of residence, a crappy computer, and a somewhat insane personal life… I haven't really had much time to play on ffn :(

I'm incredibly sorry for the inconvenience, and I know you guys aren't really interested in my sad excuses, but would it be too much to ask you to bear with me and allow about two more weeks to sort things out? I've almost got everything back in order, I just need a bit more time… trust me, if it were possible I'd have the next four chapters up and running by now… (why yes, I know exactly what's going on and where I'm going to take this, I just haven't had the time… argh…)

So yes, once again, I can't begin to say how sorry I am to leave you all hanging (I hate it when authors stretch things out too), and thank you so _so _**SO **much for your continued support- I'm writing this thing for you guys! ;P

Just hang in there a bit longer- the next chapter will rock your socks off! (I hope…)

(I'll delete this note once chapter 6 has been posted)


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